Wednesday, March 11, 2009
COUGAR BREEZY??
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
BREAKING NEWS!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
MySpace... not just for pedophiles anymore!
Monday, February 16, 2009
We're #10!
Friday, February 13, 2009
New T-Shirts
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
News & Notes - Greg Oden's Gigantic Horse Dong Edition
Monday, February 9, 2009
FREE CHRIS BREEZY!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Draft Magazine Article
After receiving several hundred emails concerning the rumors of a Union Beer Co. article I will now formally address them. Yes, Union Beer Co. is having a write up in the upcoming March 2009 issue of Draft Magazine, a nationally published magazine celebrating beer and beer culture. I have been in contact with Editor-in-Chief Erika Rietz and she gave me permission to post a preview of the 25,000 word piece on this here blog. “It is perhaps the greatest of the beer blogs,” she exclaimed, “I would be honored to have the article previewed on the site. I am so very jealous of your literary skills.” I would like to express my gratitude to Mrs. Rietz for allowing me to post this excerpt from her magazine. So, without further a due, a sneak preview for those of you who cannot wait another month.
Prodigy Men or Prodigal Sons?
Inside the World of Two of Americas Hottest Young Brewers
By Kimberly Kaye
It is late Friday evening in the Nob Hill neighborhood of Portland, Oregon. I sit uncomfortably on a couch watching two grown men dance around in a state of ecstasy wearing shiny, silver suits and Brandon Roy sneakers (of which I was constantly reminded of throughout the night). A mid-90s hip-hop song by the name of “More Money More Problems” is blaring from the speaker, loud enough that I can barely hear the two men screaming, “Throw your Rollies in the sky! Wave them side to side!” at each other. As the song winds down the two high five and one of them takes a seat next to me.
“Did you know Brandon Roy can breath underwater?” he asks.
The two grown men are Peter Stephens and Evan Trapp, co-founders of one the most promising breweries in America, Union Beer Co. After all of the write-ups on the magic and genius of the Union Beer Co. brews, I expected the two founders to be somewhat like the Leonardo DiCaprio portrayal of Howard Hughes in the movie “The Aviator,” in which the troubled eccentric genius Hughes is constantly pushing the presumed boundaries of aviation while battling his inner demons. Instead, the brewers appear somewhat like another cinematic figure portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio: Arnie in “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.”
The night had begun innocent enough. We first met up at a Laurelwood Brewpub near their house to try a new Black IPA. Trapp had been raving about this seasonal beer on tap.
“You know, they plagiarized this Black IPA,” claimed Stephens. “It was our idea, and than Laurelwood plagiarized it.”
Either Stephens was blatantly lying or he did not understand what the word “plagiarize” meant. I lean towards the latter since the next day he described a slam-dunk by their beloved Brandon Roy as “plagiarizing (the opponent’s) face.”
The conversation soon turned towards the exploding microbrew scene occurring in their hometown. The two seemed appreciative of many of their elder brewers, but would only get seriously passionate about a brewery when they disliked them.
“Pyramid? Are you (explicit deleted) kidding me?” Stephens fumed. “Pyramid? I mean, Pyramid? You’ve got to be (explicit deleted) me!”
Not surprisingly, they especially expressed their disdain for Roots Brewing. The two companies have spared continuously in the media recently, leading to what some are calling a “Beer War.”
“Is it a Beer War?” Asked Trapp. “You are (explicit deleted) right it’s a mother (explicit deleted) Beer War! Can you believe those clowns had the gall to say we don’t care about our carbon footprint?! Of course we care about our carbon footprint! And, just like our brewery, we want it to be the biggest and the baddest carbon footprint all of carbon footprints!”
While somewhat ridiculous, this statement does hold up much merit. Trapp had recently trademarked the slogan: “Union Beer Co.: The Sasquatch of the Carbon Footprint World.”
“Roots is so lame,” Stephens chimed in as he began to fake a Jamaican accent, “Roots-a Brewing, mon. ‘Ey, mon! I got-a ‘da dreadlocks, mon. No woman no cry, mon!” I questioned Stephens if he thought the Jamaican accent was a tad racist. "Of course not, those (explicit deleted)-holes are both white!"
After Laurelwood we headed down towards the great Willamette River and found ourselves at the herald Deschutes Brewpub tasting their epic, The Abyss, recently named to last months Top 25 Beer List by our editors. I made the dreaded mistake of mentioning this to Stephens and Trapp.
“And we aren’t on the (explicit deleted) list?”
I informed them that the tastings for the list had been completed several weeks prior to Union Beer Co.’s public opening. We had not even heard of the company yet, let alone taste their beer.
“Well, go back a revise the (explicit deleted) list! You stupid (explicit deleted)!”
This verbal attack was soon followed by Stephens emphatically firing me in front of the entire bar. I informed him I was not a part of his company but it was no use. The patrons cheered and Trapp got them to do a rousing chant of “Bran-don-Roy! M-V-P!” I suggested we go to another, quieter pub to talk beer.
"McFadden's it is!"
While McFadden's was not quite what I had in mind, the lively conversation on brewing I had wanted finally came to life. The next day, both Stephens and Trapp claimed not remembering going to McFadden's, but that night they delivered some of the most memorable speeches on brewing I had ever heard. It was a night I will never forget, and, undoubtedly, will go down as one of the most historic nights in the history of brewing...
(end of except)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Official Founder Photo
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Red Roses for Me
As days go by, so do the last of the Red Roses for Me. An ale like this should not leave this world unrecognized. With that, we offer this.
Red Roses for Me
An Ale’s Eulogy
Poor Paddy had lost his way. Drifting is easier to do when this happens. But drifting is not a happening one should wish easy to do. In tiny limbs Paddy was content. In larger limbs he was confused. An evening in a pub. Like never before. Poor Paddy had lost his way.
“Another pint for Poor Paddy?” Asked the publican O’Patrick.
“Please,” Poor Paddy mumbled. Feigning pleasantries. He had forgot to put on his left shoe that morning. Instead of turning around to retrieve the shoe Poor Paddy plodded on. Walking the dirty downtown streets with one shoe. Children had noticed. One shoe! Had you ever seen such a thing?
“Why’d you put on only one shoe, Poor Paddy?” Asked the publican O’Patrick earlier that day. “D’ya favor one foot over the other?”
Paddy cleared his throat and smirked. “Of course not. I simply thought that while my life is uneven my gait must be too.”
“Faith. That’s a silly thing, is it not Poor Paddy?”
“Faith to you, fine sir. Silly is a guise. While the truth. Well. The truth is a pancake.”
Poor Paddy had lost his way.
His girl Sal had gone. She was pleasant. Her hair was like a comfort Paddy forgot to thank. She had soft smooth skin and a warm treat bellow her belly. But she had grown tired of Poor Paddy and his predictably piss poor ways.
“Why don’t you get a job, Poor Paddy?” Sal would ask after she pleaded with him to bath his putrid body.
“A job would mean I would have to early wake. To early wake would mean I would have to early sleep. To early sleep would mean I would have to be home. To be home would mean I would have to leave the pub. To leave the pub would mean I would have to be sober. And to be sober. Well. Quite frankly. To be sober is something that I am not prepared to encounter yet.”
His girl Sal had gone. And with her took the only string of normalcy in his life. This is not a bad thing to lose a single string of normalcy. But to lose the only string of normalcy you have is paralysis. The rug will be pulled. The curtain drawn. Yet his girl Sal still loved him so.
“Another pint for Poor Paddy?”
“Please.”
O’Patrick, the publican, sympathized with Poor Paddy. He had seen many a man lose everything. Only to gain some back and to take some away at his pub.
“Would you like a Red Ale this time Poor Paddy? It is said to heal a man’s heart.”
“Please, fine sir.”
“White collar?”
Poor Paddy feigned a smile. “Could any other be worth?”
O’Patrick poured his man Paddy a pint. It frothed in the glass. And bloomed in the nostrils. And would ease the belly. And satisfy the heart.
Poor Paddy eyed the rest of the pub. Two drunks. A young couple. College boys. None ever was or will be as happy as Poor Paddy had once been. He drank the pint and insisted on none other. Poor Paddy stood and said a prayer.
“May the Lord God remember in His Kingdom. Our Holy universal Supreme Pontiff MacGowan. The Pope of Rome, our most reverend Archbishop and Metropolitan Behan. And our God loving Bishop O’Brien. And the entire priestly, diaconal, and monastic order. Our civil authorities. And all our armed forces. The noble and ever memorable founders and benefactors of this holy Church. Our suffering brethren. And all you believers. Always. Now and ever. And forever.”
O’Patrick watched Poor Paddy curiously.
“The doors. The doors. In wisdom let us be attentive. Absolve. We beseech Thee, O Lord, the soul of Thy servant Poor Paddy. From every bond of sin. That being raised in the glory of the resurrection. He may be refreshed among the Saints and Elect. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.”
The two drunks stood.
“Amen”
O’Patrick laughed.
“What was that Poor Paddy? Sunday School memoirs?”
Poor Paddy sat. Gesturing for a new pint.
Now.
He lost
himself.
A flutter of angels took him by the hand. Leading him into the backroom. Poor Paddy collapsed. He was greeted by a jug. He unscrewed the top and sipped. The jug shattered in his hands. A serpent slithered from the broken pieces.
"What is this, Poor Paddy?" Asked the publican O'Patrick from his pondering position.
Poor Paddy began to cry. It wasn’t fair. His left arm trembled uncontrollably. A shiver shot up the spine of the serpent. It tweaked. Where had his shoe gone? Don’t laugh. Poor Paddy was sailing up the shit stream in a boat without a sail pitifully holding up a sail without a boat. He was sailing without a left shoe, too. He stopped pouting. He prayed. He laughed. He gasped for a breath. Finally, he gave up.
"Poor Paddy. Poor Paddy."
Poor Paddy asked for forgiveness. A breeze met his face with a comfort. He turned back towards the watering room. And in the doorway. Well. In the doorway. Stood his girl Sal. And in her hands. She stood.
With a bunch
of Red Roses
for Me.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Top 10 D'Angelo Joints
The ultimate revenge song... so long as you are planning on going to jail for murder. "Why are you sleeping with my woman?" D' croons in a way that can be described as content, not angry, with the situation and the untimely end of his woman and his best friend. "Why the both of you bleeding so much?" Sinister.
Watch us all stand in line
For a slice of the devil's pie
Drugs and thugs womeN wine
Three or four at a time
Watch them stand all in line
For a slice of the devil's pie