COUGAR BREEZY??

It is no lie that Union Beer Co. has stood by our client Chris Brown throughout the storm that followed his highly publicized alleged assault of his pop-star girlfriend Rhianna. We have, on several occasions, reminded Mr. Breezy that immediately following the incident, while Rhianna spent several painstaking days deciding whether to reconcile with Chris, Union Beer Co. needed no time at all to come to our decision (it's called loyalty, look it up). Even after we saw the photo of a bruised Rhianna we publicly stood by Mr. Breezy (though, I should note, privately we were thinking "she really got her a** kicked. Maybe we should rethink this whole thing..."). 

But perhaps the biggest news of all broke recently, and once again Union Beer Co. comes out on top.... 

CHRIS BROWN IS THE VICTIM IN THIS MESS! 

We were right after all!

The fight between the Breezy and Rhianna apparently was caused when Brown received a THREE PAGE text from his 40-year old manager, Tina Davis, proposing that they "hook up" later. Apparently, Davis has had a sexual relationship with Breezy since he was 16. 

Brown got taken advantage of from a MILF!

Way to go Chris! And that's why he is messed up in the head and beat up his girlfriend! Problem solved! The only thing left to figure out is what this sexy cougar Tina Davis look like? 

Is she like the American Pie MILF?

Or is it a Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher type thing?

Probably the most obvious parallel is Mariah Carey-Nick Cannon, right?

Or is it kind of weird like the Halle Berry-kid from Jerry Maguire short-lived romance?

So what's the sexy cougar look like after all? I'm dying to know!

Wait a second... you're kidding, right? That lady looks like my 6th grade Writing teacher. She's not hot at all. She's... average. Chris Brown doesn't have a sexual relationship with an average looking person! Let along an average looking MILF (or "moms" as they like to be called). How dare she take advantage of a sexy 16 year old. Chris Brown is the victim, dammit! 

DOWN WITH TINA DAVIS! 

FREE CHRIS BREEZY! 

UNION BEER CO. FOREV-EV-EVER ON THE DANCE FLOOR!