News & Notes - Greg Oden's Gigantic Horse Dong Edition

While Union Beer Co. will forever be your provider of world class beers and world class intellect, we strive to be even more. Even more, you ask? We want to be a lifestyle choice, kind of like homosexuality (relax, that's a joke). In our new UBC Lifestyle columns we will answer your emails, tell you what you should be outraged about, and tell you what music you should be listening to. You will never have to think again! Uhhh, you're welcome.

NEWS & NOTES

GREG ODEN'S GIGANTIC HORSE DONG EDITION

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First up is the new 5$ on ANY Footlong sub at Subway. I have long been a fan of the regular 5$ Footlongs (and, as previously mentioned, the jingle is the joint), but I was always a little disturbed that the Turkey sub was not a part of this terrific deal. The Turkey sub would normally cost around a dollar more for the footlong. Really Subway? Just give me a damn 5$ Turkey Sub already. Well, it looks like they have heard my pleas as they introduced, for a limited time only, 5$ ON ANY FOOTLONG! Wow what a deal! Any footlong? The Philly Cheesesteak is like 9$ for a footlong. Now it will cost only 5$! I believe that the Philly Cheesesteak constitutes as "ANY" footlong. Right? Wrong. "By 5$ for ANY footlong, we meant 5$ on SOME footlongs," claims Subway. What the shit?! The Philly Cheesesteak is a "Premium" sub, so obviously it is not just "ANY" sub. 

That's just false advertising, homie. 

Well, I guess if I want a 5$ Philly Cheesesteak footlong I'll have to go to Greg Oden's house. (I'm talking about his huge dong! Get it?)

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Steve Blake welcomed his second son into the world on Wednesday. While I will leave most of the Blake bashing to Co-Founder Peter Stephens for a later post, I must address one thing. Blake named his child Jamison Miles Blake. What a slap in the face of the franchise. Miles? As in Darius Miles? Former Trail Blazer who screwed the Blazers out of millions? The "Little Nazi," as he is affectionately called by teammate Joel Pryzbilla, just doesn't care anymore. I don't want this guy anywhere near Greg Oden or Greg Oden's dong (which is gigantic and horse-like, see above). 

In the glorious words of our CFO, Mr. Stephens, "Cut him!"

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And in music news... the triumphant return of Charlie Wilson! All hail the king! And Snoop is in the video, too! Hooray!

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Union Beer Co. will be holding some sort of contest in the coming weeks with the winning prize being a special edition 22oz. Wolfe Tone Irish Stout, autographed by both founders. Yes, these pictures are not doctored at all. I actually got to sit in the same room of both Mr. Stephens and Mr. Trapp. And, might I add, they are hotter in real life!

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One last reminder, in honor of the Champ John Cena and his jorts (jean-shorts, for the uninformed), we will be wearing jorts all weekend. Look, Tim Tebow is already in on it! Check out jorts.com for more jort-inspired ideas.